Apples and Oranges
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
Outsmart a woman???
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing...
We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack
enough clothes for a 3 day weekend. And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 PM from
the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..
'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.'
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend, he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught
'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.'
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend, he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught
many fish? He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.
He said, 'But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?'
{You'll love the answer}
The wife replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."
Never, Never, Never
try to outsmart a woman!!!
He said, 'But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?'
{You'll love the answer}
The wife replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."
Never, Never, Never
try to outsmart a woman!!!
Silent but deadly
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem."
"A gas problem?" replied the doctor.
"Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh...silent gas emissions. Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (BLUSH) four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?! "
"Well," said the doctor thoughtfully, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem."
"A gas problem?" replied the doctor.
"Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh...silent gas emissions. Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (BLUSH) four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?! "
"Well," said the doctor thoughtfully, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
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